I have a confession to make: I am one of the culprits on the list of people who ‘disturb’ their unmarried friends to get married. Well, I wouldn’t say I pressurize them, I only nudge and encourage them to come into this beautiful phase of life.
But no matter how I sugar coat this, truth remains that I like to trouble my single friends and they totally understand me. It’s not my fault, I just love love!
So today, I’ll be writing about how to deal with the pressure to get married with focus on the three main sources of pressure and how you can handle them.
Family and concerned friends
If you are like me; born in the 90’s, the last born in a family where all others are married and have each produced the much-desired grandchildren for their aging parents, then you know nothing about pressure. But if not, I can bet that your mother has been waiting for you to bring home a life partner and have at many times done her best at hooking you up with some chap.
Worse still, next month is December, their month of matchmaking:
“Adanneya, come and greet Uncle Kalu’s son, Obinna, he just came back from Malaysia for the Christmas and will be going back afterwards.”
“Emeka, come and greet Chief Ogbuefi. He came with his first daughter, who just finished her Master’s degree from the UK.”
Don’t get it twisted, your mother loves you, so do your family members and close friends. It’s important you understand their concerns. Sometimes they think more for you than you do for yourself.
But don’t let it get you into the wrong relationship or be pushed to make a rash decision. Let them know you understand their fears and if it bothers them too much, let them pray for you; that’s the best they can do.
And please stop telling them you will get married very soon, they are tired of hearing it and they have already prepared a long list of follow-up questions: When? Who? Where is he/she from? When will I meet him/her? And we both know you don’t have all the answers to these questions.
So, I’ll suggest that next time they ask, “When are you getting married?” Just say: I’ll get married when I get married! LOL
Social media and society
The road to marriage is a journey that can either make you wiser or leave you heartbroken, but either ways, you learn. It’s not always all rosy as people depict on social media: “We met in July, as soon as I saw her, I knew she was the one and by December, we were married.”
My dear, if you base your relationship and marriage on stories from instagram, you will end up marrying one jaguda* called Mr. Ajalikoko (not real name) and by the time you realize what has happened, you would have ended up as two roommates going through the motions of each day.
I am not saying these stories didn’t happen or they can’t happen to you. But everybody’s love story is different and almost never goes the same way. Stay on your own path, keep your pace and don’t let social media determine your pace in life.
You are in no competition and there is no prize for the first to get married or the wedding of the century. Society should not determine when or how you get married.
A Yoruba adage says “A child that does not die will grow up to become an adult.” This is a natural law.
Your hormones and internal pressure
Some people are the source of their own pressure. They have set a target for themselves: “Vision 2020”. They have drawn a picture on the wall and picked their wedding colours even when they have no relationship in view. They have built nothing but hope that somehow, Vision 2020 will happen as it does on Bella Naija. News flash: Life is not a fairytale!
Don’t be the one to put pressure on yourself to force a relationship that is not supposed to work or create one that was dead on arrival simply because ‘I must get married this year.’
That’s not the way life works, plans are made so that they can be altered. If it didn’t work out when you thought it would, don’t worry, God makes everything beautiful in it’s time!
Also, the purpose of marriage is not to gratify your sexual desires neither is it to put an end to them in one fell swoop. But to create a conducive, sacred and committed union where a man and a woman can express their God-given passions without fear and enjoy each other.
Whatever disciplines as regards your raging hormones that are not learned as a single person will not be conferred on you at your wedding but will translate to dissatisfaction and infidelity in marriage.
Don’t think getting married will bring a sudden halt to your bad habits or fulfill all your fantasies. That should not be the only reason why you want to get married.
Finally, marriage is beautiful, too beautiful for words and the process is as important as the pact. Let love happen and let God make it happen. It doesn’t cost so much except patience and trust.
So, don’t let anybody mount pressure on you, myself inclusive. Take all the time you want and if you need more, take more and with no apologies; you are in no competition.
I can attest to the fact that nothing could be sweeter than marrying your own man at the best time when you are both ready for it and building your life together.
The pressure to get married may never stop but no matter the source, I believe you can handle it well. If not, stop by the comment box and let me know who you need my help to handle, I’ll make sure I send the Police to their neighbourhood. LOL
Do have a beautiful week ahead!
*Jaguda means tout
To read more about handling pressure click HERE