As we wrap up this month of May, I think it’s a good time to answer this questions that have bothered many hearts.
How can I forgive those who hurt me in the past?
Some of us were hurt in the early years of our lives and these childhood hurts can be difficult to let go because most of them come from the people you love the most- your immediate family members, aunties or uncles; people you see every day and still have to relate with. Worse still, some of them are never going to apologize because they don’t even know they hurt you, but you are still carrying the memory because it brought you much pain.
There is this story of a lady who her mother deprived of so many things when she was young because she (her mother) was promiscuous while growing up and feared her daughter would turn out the same way. She decided to do everything possible to stop her from towing that path.
She was a single mother who conceived her out of wedlock and was abandoned to cater for the child all by herself. She refused to allow her daughter associate with friends, and did some really weird things like not letting her plait her hair because she felt it would attract guys.
The worst part was that she circumcised her (Female genital mutilation) because she wanted to stifle all sexual desires that may come later in life. As though this was not enough, she told her horrible things about men which were born out of her own experiences and this left the young lady with a permanent hatred for the opposite sex.
Though the mother’s intentions seemed good, she went about it the wrong way and when her daughter got to know, she hated her mother and never wanted to have anything to do with her.
It took her years to detoxify her mind from the filthy things her mother filled them with. She struggled with letting go because she saw her mother as the reason she was still single at 37.
A time came when she realized she was doing more harm to herself than good and she decided to let go. She gave her heart to the Lord and forgave her mother.
She eventually regretted the years she spent nursing her grievances.
You can see that while some hurts can be outgrown or forgotten as we mature, others can cling so tight they retard our growth in life.
Though it’s not wrong to feel anger or hurt, it’s toxic to hold on to them and feed them with malice and rage. You need to let go to really live.
Some psychologists will tell you that the way your life turned out is as a result of the love you were denied while growing up thus putting the blame on your parents or the society. Even if this is true; it has happened. Pick up the pieces and move on; don’t cry over things you can’t change. The blame game will only leave you in circles that lead nowhere.
I observed that carrying hurts from one day into the next is extremely poisonous how much more carrying them from year to year or even from childhood into adulthood. It is so energy consuming that you will have to crawl through life.
I must also admit that letting go can be tough; sometimes our flesh enjoys holding the people who hurt us in its custody. It loves to be fed with feelings of revenge and hatred but this only leads to more pain.
You must realize that love doesn’t come naturally; the flesh is evil and selfish and know nothing of love. Even our ego fuels these ungodly passions and encourages us to lock up instead of allowing God to flow in with his love and grace.
I want to let you know that you can’t move forward while you are still carrying hurts from yesterday. It is time to let go so that you can enjoy the abundant life God has called you to live.
Whether it is a relationship that turned sour leaving you heartbroken or a friend that betrayed you or even a family member that hurt you, you can’t keep allowing them control your life.
Forgive everyone that has hurt you even if they don’t ask for forgiveness; go and make peace. That is what Jesus asks us to do and his tremendous power is available for anyone who dares to ask. He will heal your heart, wipe your tears, comfort you and restore all the years you have lost in the desert of anger.
Jesus will lavish you with so much love that will drown those scars and make you whole again. You will love again and hence live again, you will do good to those who despitefully use you and pray for them. This is what only Jesus can do through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Remember, people may still hurt you today; don’t allow it to pile up and become a foothold for the devil to hold on to and fill your life with anger tomorrow.
Finally, I pray the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard our hearts and mind in Christ Jesus and teach us to forgive even as we have been forgiven.
Don’t go into the next day with a pain from the previous day. No matter who hurt you, bring it to Jesus, he will heal you!
Have a splendid week and see you next month!