Philly found it so hard to break the news to Kamsi. He took her to an exotic restaurant for dinner. He wanted to make it a special evening . She was indeed special to him.
They sat for few minutes without saying anything to each other. Kamsi couldn’t help but wonder what he was up to.
“This must be the day I have been waiting for.” Kamsi thought.
Though she didn’t wear her best red dress as she has imagined she would on her engagement day, she knew she looked nice. She was dressed casually with a pair of jeans and a flowered blouse, her favourite. She wore a beautiful smile too.
Philly was well dressed too. He wore a chekered shirt on his blue denim. He looked smart. Though Kamsi thought he would wear an Armani suit with a red tie and matching black shoes as the guy in her fantasy world. She excused him saying he must have wanted to keep it simple. She knew that she would still collect the ring once he gets on one knee and pops up the big question, whether he wore Armani or Aba.
For a while, they sat and talked. Philly made her laugh hard as always. She knew it was going to be a perfect evening but her hopes were dashed when Philly began to talk about why he brought her there.
Philly told Kamsi about his scholarship. He was leaving the country in a few months time for his Masters Degree abroad. This was definitely a good news but Kamsi didn’t know how to handle it.
Philly had become her friend, a good one at that. And now he would be leaving. Life was not being fair to her.
“I applied for my Masters Degree program at the University of Aberdeen sometime last year and I got an offer but couldn’t foot the bills. My friend told me about a government scholarship and I applied though reluctantly. I just wanted to fulfil all righteousness because I felt the Nigerian factor would definitely play out. But surprisingly, I was invited for interview along with a few others. I felt going for the interview would be a total waste of time but again, I wanted to fulfill all righteousness so I gave it a try after my friend persuaded me. Just yesterday I got a mail saying I have been offered the scholarship and that I am required to head to Abuja on Monday for medical tests and visa processing.”
“Wow, Just like that? That’s good news.”
“Really?” Philly was surprised.
“Yeah. Congrats. I am happy for you.”
“Wow. Right now, I am indifferent and I don’t know why. I spent the whole night thinking about it.”
“Hahaha. Are you having a cold feet? You should be happy. I mean, you got a Federal Government Scholarship without knowing anybody and soon you will be leaving this country for good. Come on!” Kamsi retorted.
“Of course I am happy about that, but I have mixed feelings.”
Philly couldn’t believe Kamsi wasn’t getting his point. He was going to miss her deeply. He had planned to tell her about his feelings towards her before the news of his scholarship came and here she was, happy he was leaving.
Did he mean nothing to her? He knew she liked him. He could see the look in her eyes. Why was she acting like she wouldn’t miss him? He knew he couldn’t leave without telling Kamsi how he felt about her.
“Kamsi, I have become very fond of you. You have become a part of my life, my day. How do you want me to cope with being away from you for so long?” How will I just wake up one day and leave you?” Philly was looking straight into her eyes.
His face was tender, his voice was sweet. He meant everything he said.
Kamsi knew he was serious. She wanted to say the same to him and more. But she didn’t want to be vulnerable. Not now that she knows he was leaving. Kamsi was a master at managing her emotions. She guarded her heart very jealously and would have no one play around with it. She was saving her emotions for her man, the one she could truly call her own.
For a moment she was glad they hadn’t gone far. But she couldn’t deny the fact that Philly meant a lot to her. She knew she would miss him more than he would her. He would be in a better place, meet new people and get the best of education there is. In no time, he would be caught up in the buzz of UK and probably forget her. But she would be stuck here with no friend, no good job and no husband.
For the first time she was at the verge of giving a guy a chance in her life and this was how it was going to end. She wanted to blame Philly but she knew it wasn’t his fault.”
“Well, I guess I am going to miss you.” Kamsi managed to say.
“You guess? Kamsi, I love you. I really do. I have always loved you from the very first day I met you. I just didn’t know how to tell you. I feel so sad that we will be parting soon, I was hoping we could build our friendship and possibly…”
“Wait Philly. You are leaving and that’s all that is important now!” Kamsi was at the brink of tears. “I wish you all the best in life.” She grabbed her purse and stormed out.
Kamsi didn’t mean to leave. She just didn’t want Philly to see her cry yet she wanted him to come after her, hold her to his chest and speak kindly to her. But he didn’t. Philly just sat there, stunned and speechless.
It wasnt Sunday but Kamsi was in Church. It was the first time she was going for the midweek service in six months. The last time she went was during the Church’s 12th Anniversary. Now she knew she needed to get her life back in order. She was a regular Sunday attendee but decided it was time to get serious with God.
As the Pastor spoke she imagined all that had happened in such a short while.
She thought about Michael. Her mother had called severally to ask about her Michael. It was an endless circle of lies. There was no Michael anywhere.
Philly had gone too. She stopped taking his calls and refused letting him in when he visited.
She knew her anger was uncalled for but she couldn’t handle the awkwardness. The transition from stranger to friend and then lover was not an easy one and now she had to let him go.
She tried to focus on the message. Pastor Joyce was speaking about trusting God through the tough seasons of life.
“I know you may not be where you want to be now, but I need you to trust God and believe that all things work together for your good. Don’t panic God is in control.” Pastor Joyce said.
She wondered if Pastor Joyce believed what she was saying or she was just smooth-talking. Had she ever been in her shoes? Had she ever been so frustrated with life and tired of being an adult? Had she ever felt so lonely, and weighed down by the weight of responsibilities and pressures of life? Had she ever had bills to pay and an almost zero account? Had she ever loved and had to part?
“As I bring this message to a close, I want to urge you to allow God to lead you, He has a plan for your life. But they cannot come to light until you trust him completely. Things don’t always add up when we look from our perspective, but God has got it all figured out. Don’t be afraid, God is in control.” The Pastor ended.
Those words stuck. “Don’t be afraid, God is in control.”
Kamsi wanted to believe that.