Are you winning the argument or losing the relationship?

LETTERS FROM HOME

Friendships are characterized by ups and downs. If you are like me, you will agree that in our relationship with one another, we fight, argue and even quarrel. One thing I have observed at the root of all quarrels is our desire to win rather than to learn. We like to prove our point and  get all the medals.

We hate to be wrong or defeated so we argue to the last dot and many times we ruin good friendships that could have grown into something really beautiful.

Recently, I learnt that sometimes life presents us with a tough decision, tough because we can only make one choice. Like they say; “You can’t have your cake and eat it”.

So let me ask you:

Would you rather lose the relationship than lose the argument?

My experience is, every time I have tried to win a contest in the face of a degenerating friendship, I won the fight but lost the person.

I am not saying you should compromise what you know is the truth in order to please someone or do the wrong thing to remain in their good books. No!

This is what I am saying: seek to understand the other person rather than to be understood, put your ageless lenses aside and look through their eyes and see things from their own perspective, be the first to move for peace and consider their feelings before yours.

This means that you will have to literally swallow your pride and puncture your ego all by yourself… Oh! Its not always easy dear.

But if you have set out to please God and honour him in your relationships, then get ready to take your self and flesh off the picture and put them on the ground to be trampled upon, and. . .not only once or twice.

Selfishness remains the father of all disobedience and sin. It is the reason why couples fight, why brothers hate and kill and Nations don’t prosper. It is the easiest path to take in order to win the argument and lose your friend.

But here is the cure:

Phil 2:3-5

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests but also for the interests of others. Have this altitude in yourselves which was also in Christ”. (NASB)
This is the way to live!

The Message bible begins verse 4 by saying “Put yourself aside”. Until we do this, we will not know the joy of true friendship- laying down our lives for our friends. Again, that is the best way to live.

So dearest one, next time you are at the verge of a quarrel, think about Philippians 2, think about your friend, think about Christ and for a moment. . .forget about yourself!

Your joy will know no bounds.

Do have a blessed week.

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