Drums rolling….. I am so excited.
A lot of my friends got married this year and trust me, I loved seeing them say I DO.
Some weeks ago, I buzzed them and asked them to share their thoughts about life after the wedding and they gladly obliged.
So today, I will be sharing what I gathered which I consider real life lessons from real people who have gone ahead of us in the marriage ministry. Please chill and read through, this piece is gonna be a little bit longer than usual.
So let’s get started…
I am sharing these thoughts because I feel those of us who are single need to hear these real life truths from real people so that we can debunk certain myths from our head and avoid going into marriage with unrealistic expectations.
Don’t throw a flamboyant wedding especially when you know you will starve afterwards.
After the wedding, marriage begins. Don’t spend all you have for the wedding. Always remember that there is marriage ahead of you and at this point, nobody cares because they expect you should be responsible.
Don’t borrow to do a talk-of-the-town wedding when you can’t afford it because you will keep owing even in marriage. Plan within your means and be content with what you have.
As you are planning your wedding, plan for foodstuff in your home. In fact, put it on the wedding budget. Oh yeah!
Cut out unnecessary expenses from your budget and focus on things that are important and will still be useful to you even after the wedding.
For example, instead of paying a make up artist 70k to do your makeup, you can buy the basic makeup you need (foundation, powder etc) for yourself and pay someone to use them on you. That way you will still have your make up kit to rock months after the wedding instead of painfully washing away your 70k on the wedding night.
No Pretence of any sort
After your wedding ceremony, you will begin to live with another human being. The tendency is to begin to try to impress him/her and make them feel they made the best choice. My dear, don’t start what you cannot finish. Don’t try to impress your spouse by pretending to be what you’re not. You may have to pretend for the rest of your life together, and trust me, that’s a difficult thing to do. Just be yourself.
Make your spouse your friend. Be open, share ideas, visions and dreams. Communicate with your spouse, if not you will die in silence.
Voice out traits/behavioral patterns you’re not comfortable with early in marriage. Best said early than later on. You may have to deal with it for the rest of your life.
Some people start pretending right from the wedding night sex. Not every couple have sex that very night cos you will likely be tired or you are just inexperienced. It’s okay if you two don’t even know where to start, it’s okay to learn with each other. Don’t try to fake it. You will get better at it with time and more practice.
Honey moon can be done anywhere
Many people want to do honeymoon in an expensive hotel or somewhere in ‘the abroad’. Awwww…this is so cool, but if you can’t foot the bills, take your wife home or go to the house of a family friend/Christian couple that would accommodate you and make you feel comfortable. Honey moon can be done anywhere in the world.
You will need to make a lot of adjustments… Prepare!
The first few years of marriage are a bit challenging because two grown adults will be living together, sharing life together.
There will be nothing to hide. You will see all the faults of your partner glaring at you in full sway. You will see things he/she may not have mentioned during courtship not because they wanted to hide them but because you cannot see everything when you are outside the box.
It is after the wedding that you will realise that your sweet pumpkin can be super annoying and difficult. Yeah! But this is not a time to nag and call names, it is time to make adjustments. A lot will change, a whole lot and you must be ready for these changes.
There will be financial, physical, and emotional changes too. Don’t be scared, it’s just a reality of life. All you need to do is bond and draw closer to each other, draw strength from each other. When you see his/her weaknesses don’t judge them, help them grow and become better.
I do not recommend having guests live with you for long periods like weeks and months even if they are close family members during your first year of marriage. This is because you two are still trying to understand, adjust and fit into each others lives. It’s a lot easier without a third party.
Marriage is Priority
This statement may not apply to single folks but once you are married, marriage takes priority over everything else. It’s the only institution God places the greatest premium on and likens it to the union between Christ and the Church. Never let anything take it’s place; career, ministry or extended family. It must always come first.
A lot of people make the mistake of not leaving before cleaving. This will put a lot of strain on your new home and it is a good recipe for disaster.
Stick it out with your spouse from day one. It is you two against the world! This is the only way you can build a formidable force. You must never take sides against your spouse.
Your mother’s marriage may have been very beautiful and sweet but you must not do it the way she did it. You can learn and pick some lessons but never forget that every marriage is unique. You now have a new family and it is completely different from your parents’.
Keep in touch with your people and your spouse’s family too. Do well to call and check up on them but don’t share your family challenges with them.
Submit to and Respect one another
You must mutually submit to and respect one another. This is God’s standard, it hasn’t changed. The call to get married is a call be become selfless, never forget that.
When I was single, I thought that once I got married, my husband would solve all my problems and fulfil all my dreams. I almost frustrated his life till I began to learn that he is a human being. I put too much load of expectations on him and this weighed him down. Don’t fall into this trap, only God can give you unending satisfaction.
Marriage means commitment
After the wedding, you are not going to wake up every morning feeling ‘married’. Some days you will wake up and you are literally high on love, on other days you will be high on anger, some other days you will just be there- not feeling anything at all. On all these days, your commitment to your spouse must never change. That’s why it’s called marriage. It means I am married to you- I am committed to you no matter how I feel and no matter what you do…Single folks, you might want to think long and hard about that!
Love the Lord still, even more
The truth is that as you grow in Love for God and get closer to him, you both will love each other more and more. You will find out that the more you love God, the more you love your spouse. This requires a lot of work and selflessness and though it is not always easy, it’s worth it. If you are single and not ready to give up your self, don’t bother getting married; you will frustrate somebody’s daughter/son.
Finally, Marriage is beautiful and can only be enjoyed when it is done God’s way.
Have a beautiful weekend and don’t forget to let me know what you are thinking in the comment box.