Some years ago, I stumbled on a post on the internet that asked the question: “Ladies, will you marry a man like your Father?”
Because I had thought of it myself and my answer was in the negative, I took my time to go through the comments and over 90% of responses went South: “Hell No!” “God forbid!” “Never!” “Over my dead body!” and “I will rather remain single!”
Some went as far as raining abuses on their Fathers and wishing they had the chance to choose who would be their Father. This brought tears to my eyes and left me with the question “Where have our Fathers gone?”
While there are millions of Fathers out there who are doing their best to shoulder the responsibilities of Fatherhood and have done excellently well, there are a million more who had never understood the meaning of the word “Father” before stepping into those sacred shoes.
Today, I am writing to the negligent Fathers whose only boast is in their ability to impregnate a woman as though it’s all they can do (though that is all they eventually do). To Fathers who have no part in the upbringing of their sons and daughters and tag it ‘a woman’s job’.
Your daughters have never heard you say their names fondly for you thrive in their dread of you. And call their mother names that demean her and make her feel like thrash just to drive home the point that we all already know except you who needs reminding “I am the head of the house.”
Sit up Fathers! For your daughters want a man they can truly call “Father” and not feel gravel in their throat. A man so near and dear they can talk just about anything. One who will nuture and cater for them and show them what love really is.
They want a Father who is not given to wine, inconsiderate or passive. One who loves their Mother like Christ loves the Church and is willing to give himself up for her.
A Father who would look into their eyes and tell them how much they are loved and accepted. One on whose laps they will find solace.
Your sons want a definition of authentic manhood, one who will show them how to love their wives when they grow up. They want a real man who they are proud of and aspire to be like.
Don’t get me wrong, this has little to do with how fat your bank account is but everything to do with how far you can go to put a smile on their faces.
It has everything to do with how resolute you are in making sure you give them the best you possibly can, how devoted you are in praying for them, teaching them life lessons and disciplining them in love.
We don’t want Fathers who grudgingly drop a few coins on the table for our mothers to cook and never come home to eat the food. No!
We don’t want Fathers who reluctantly pay our school fees and never ask to know our level in the University or our grade in the last exams we wrote. No!
We don’t want Fathers who wear the badges of their unfaithfulness and moral failure with pride and rub it in the face of our Mothers because our culture demands she stays loyal to her vows and excuses his stupidity and even encourages it. No!
We don’t want to fight with petty, narrow-minded little brats in the guise of side chicks for the attention of our Fathers. Nor do we want our Mothers to share her bosom with a strange woman. No!
We don’t want Fathers who want us to live their dream and fulfil goals they had for themselves and never worked towards. No!
We don’t want Fathers who force our Mothers to carry the burden of providing for the family by thier negligence and irresponsibility. No! For even the Bible insists that the man provides for his own household.
We want hardworking Fathers who are fearless and inspire us to reach our full potentials irrespective of the career path we have chosen in life.
We want model Fathers who would be our dream man and a gold standard when it’s time to choose our husbands. Men whose words we would cherish and regurgitate long after they are gone.
We want Fathers who are just like Christ!
Dear Young and Upcoming Fathers, we desire you don’t repeat the mistakes of your Fathers (for some of them did not know any better) but learn from them and become devoted husbands and model Fathers to your wives and children.
That way, our society reaps the beautiful fruits of authentic manhood and exemplary Fatherhood.
I hope this is not too much to ask.
We love you, we pray for you, we celebrate you!
Happy Father’s Day!